Letting Go

May 17, 2010

Yesterday (Sunday) my oldest son who is 16 took my car and drove to his Sunday Night Bible study…alone…for the first time.

Friday I took him to get his license. Had to wait in line for 2 full hours to finally get through to the desk and fill out all the paperwork but we did it.

The curious thing is, he doesn’t show much emotion.  That doesn’t mean he isn’t excited to be able to drive alone…I’m sure he is, he just doesn’t say that much about it.

However, this is the first time my wife and I have had to truly let him go.  I can tell you in his case it is quite a bit harder with him than I think it will be with my two younger children.  The reason being because he is a type 1 diabetic with a low thyroid.  There is so much that could happen with him all alone.

When he drove away, I was in bed sleeping so I could get ready to come in to work tonight/this morning.  I had prayed before going to bed that the Lord will watch over him and keep him safe through all he must go through.  He seems so controlling about every issue in his life, yet he is still so completely innocent regarding so much of life’s issues.

I wonder many times if I have shielded him to much from the things of this world. He grew up listening solely to Christian and classical music.  He used to go to bed with his radio on listening to his dad on the air playing songs of praise and worship.  All that changed about 3 years ago when a two-hour live call in show that is centered around “Christian counseling” took away the time he would spend drifting off to sleep with soothing music.

He began to change after that.  He began listening to a Christian station that plays hard Christian rock, much of which in my opinion does not glorify God at all as it sounds to my ears as nothing but screaming or as his brother calls it, “Scream-0 songs”.  He is now broadening his listening horizons and introducing himself to classic and album rock from the ’70’s and ’80’s.

With a thyroid problem to go along with his diabetes, he has had much to deal with for over half of his young life.  I can still get him to laugh but rarely can I get him to talk anymore.  When he is happy, he is in that goofy zone.  He goes from one extreme to the other.  He seems to be really uptight and mad at the world or so carefree that he could be passed off as the Village Idiot.

I say all that to say this: I don’t know what God holds in store for him.  We have had many long talks.  My wife and I have set him down and had more heart to hearts that I can remember.  Through it all, I know that God is using the seeds we planted to bring about the completion in my son that He desires.  I have to remember that God is God and I am not.  He knows what is going on in my son even if I do not.

This is where I must let go and trust God to be God in his life.  He shows great desire to be at church and Bible study but I wonder many times if he is only doing what I did at his age which was to go to church because of friends and girls.  Again, this is where I must let go.  It is not easy as any of you who are parents of teens know.

I know God holds his life in His hands and not mine. Yet I also know God has entrusted him to me to raise him in the admonition of the Lord.  I have tried and it seems at times I am losing him.  I don’t like that thought or feeling.  While I know I must let go, I also must hang on until his wings are spread so far that I can no longer hold on and have no choice but to let go.

I just pray that all the prayers that so many kind and wonderful people who I don’t even know will be answered by the Lord in His time. I know there is so much that could go wrong with his body while he is alone and driving.  I also must remember and have faith that there is so much that can go right because of the prayers of the saints who faithfully lift my son to the Lord without fail. I cannot ever thank them or repay them enough for their kindness and generosity.  I pray God blesses every one of them with Grace and Mercy on their lives for their kindness.

Here’s to letting go as much as I can to my son that drives my wife and I crazy and to tears and at the same time to our knees on his behalf.  We love him more than we can say as his name means God’s gift. He received that name because he was our first child.  He has been a handful his whole life, even since birth, you could tell he had a strong will…yet he is still God’s gift to us.

God bless you son. We love you.  Be safe in the knowledge that many people are praying for you but even more importantly that you serve a God that is bigger than any disease, any problem and any situation you may ever find yourself in.

Peace to all.

 

 

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5 Responses to “Letting Go”

  1. sandra said

    thats a very nice sentiment, I know where youre at. My son is 19 and will be 20 this summer. I always prayed while they were in school all the time, we started homeschooling him when he was in 5th grade and that was a peaceful time. but oh boy, when they start driving, you really learn to pray without ceasing! my daughter who is 22 still dosent drive, so I take her to work and where she needs to go. If she ever drives, I belive I’ll worry about her more. thats when you do have to start letting go, my sons been in a few scrapes with the law over the last year, but theyve all been settled and thank God, I belive hes on the right track now. I still pray without ceasing. everything teaches a lesson, I belive, and if he has to learn the hard way, I hope while hes this young hes got it pretty much behind him. what I mean is, sometimes theres just nothing a parent can do, but keep on praying.

    • Jeff D said

      Sandra, I really feel for you. The last few years I began understanding the hell I put my own parents through during my high school years. I am so grateful to God for His mercy and goodness in watching over me during those rebellious years of my life…and keeping my parents sane.

      Looking back, I should have been dead several times over due to all the idiotic choices I willingly made. Many of them as leader of younger underclassmen who wanted to learn how to elevate Hades in a small East Texas town.

      God is indeed merciful and you are correct, I am learning to pray without ceasing even more than I already was. I love my son greatly and I can’t stand the thought of anything bad happening to him. What parent could?

      We must do all we can on our end to train them and raise them up right all the while trusting that God does indeed know what He is doing even if we do not.

      I will be in prayer for your son and daughter. It is good to know others in the Body who share the same struggles.

      God be with you and bless you Sandra.

      In Christ,

      Jeff

  2. Marion5522 said

    I didn’t realize he already had his license. Always an anxious time for parents. Hopefully Matthew is able to recognize the symptoms of low sugar. It amazes me how quickly a coke can make us “normal” again! I became asymptomatic several years ago so I often have to run a quick check before driving.

    The thing that infuriates me is learning how the change in the time “A New Day” is broadcast impacted your family. You know, as does your boss, how I feel about that “Christian” (and I use the term loosely) counseling program. Oh, I so want more praise and worship and less about sexual deviation when the end of the day comes!

    As always you and yours are in my prayers.

    Thanks and Blessings,

    Marion

  3. Jeff D said

    Hi Marion,

    Matthew is able to recognize the symptoms but he needs to do a better job of being responsible about it. This is what concerns us the most about him driving alone.

    Thank you for your heart regarding the programming. You know you are not alone. We need to keep praying. God has always been and always will be sovereign. I don’t know the reason still, but He does. And trust me, infuriating is putting it mildly for you and others…I know 😉 Nevertheless, I thank you greatly for your support.

    In Christ,

    Jeff

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